Rabu, 06 April 2016

Random #4

Langit gaduh
Surya terpagut gegap gempita guruh
Tanah basah
Genang merambah arah..
Linu aku terkecam gema, sebab ada yang menyahut himbau, tak tahu sosok serupa apa..
Diam saja
Geming tak bernada
Aku diam
Dia diam
Bumi diam..
(Alai-16 Maret)

Random #3

Pada gegap gempita tabuh hujan, diam bersuara..
Tapi tak tahu apa..
Serupa lalu lalang manusia dalam ocehan..
Terjemah mengalah padan..
Hilang aksara
Hiba di tinggal makna..

Halah!
Tak bicara barangkali bertemu paras bisa..
Artikan yang tertera
Maknakan yang punya rupa..
Tapi jua
Lelah..
Tak berkesudah

Random #2

Kita tidak pernah bersepakat apa-apa sebelumnya, memang. Barangkali saat itu hanya hati yang saling menyapa, bertukar cerita tentang asa-asa yang bagai bersua jalan pulangnya. Lantas, tiba-tiba rasa yang barangkali sempat singgah itu sudah sebesar itu adanya, tapi nyatanya tidak tentang rasaku, rasamu saja..
Lalu aku bungkam beberapa jenak, melerai-lerai gejolak yang ada, namun tak ada jawab, hanya tidak.. Kuselami lagi, tetap saja, tidak. Entah aku salah terjemah atau memang nyatanya hanya tidak? Entah, tidak bisa ku tebak.
Oh, barangkali terlalu cepat..
Iya. Terlalu cepat!
Sedang kau dan aku masih saja serupa dua pengembara yang tengah membelah pekat..
Sendiri-sendiri saja, kau di setapak yang satu, aku di setapak yang lainnya yang bahkan jaraknyapun tidak terhitung dekat..
Setidaknya aku masih bisa menggunakan 'kita', meski 'kita' kali ini masih belum lagi faham, jalan mana kiranya barangkali yang bisa membawaku menujumu, atau mungkin menunggumu dalam remang senja yang kian rembang ketika hatiku mulai mau, sedang langkahmu masih tetap teratur berjejal di belakangku, menungguku yang barangkali mulai sadar perihal adamu..
Aih, serumit ini kah jalan hati? Sedang sosokmu, masih serupa bias-bias aneh di otakku, apalagi rupamu..

Random #1

Ok, here's the thing. To be honest I don't want to tell anything about this anymore, not just because the wound is still there but it's more like, I don't want to look back any longer, it's suck! But somehow the whole world don't really understand how hard is it for me. No one.
More than a year I know (I've removed 6,8,12 Brian McNight from my playlist, BTW) and I am doing good lately, about my life, my dream and my future soon, though it's not 100% done but at least I could go to sleep with all good stories that I made all day or woke up in the morning and tell my self "here comes the sun, girl!" 

I am more than OK, for sure.

But it seems like I miss one part, I don't notice the fact that you've been infected the people around me that much too. No matter how hard I am trying to sweep out all those memories, it's still there, left on everyone's mind, anyone who had ever involved in the story that you made for me years ago. I know, it sounds stupid but the only thing that I hope could help just this random writing (sorry for the inconvenience that might be exist-just ignore if you don't mind)..

At first, I thought that I've gone too far but the fact I haven't, cause somehow I left in somewhere..
Somehow some people are still talking about you and I hate it. Even just remind me about the place where you used to be or the company where you work or someone who meet your Mom accidently then she told me that, "Wow can't believe that everything has changed, Tia! I just met his Mother", snap! Would everybody really understand for not talking anything about you (anymore) when they see me. Or asking about anything else after long term unseeing each other, just anything, anything without a name that I don't want to spell anymore for the rest of my life. Or could everybody just stop for giving me advice about healing this broken hearted, well yeah I am a broken hearted girl but I am not kinda silly girl who can't do anything to calm herself down. Call me selfish, but I love my self too much and wouldn't ruin my beautiful life just because a man let me down.
Is it that hard?? Come on!

I know, it's truly impossible having you out completely from my life while I am not living alone and we've created that story with all those people too. But nothing I could say, maybe that's the world desire to let me in this story (with you) and let me alone in this story (without you) at the end.
Yah!
But for sure, I am not stay, I've taken my first step, leaving, since the day when you went away (or in fact when someone told me that you should've said done). I've left. Left and no way back.
And memories about you would be gone too, right? Maybe a year is too early for hoping it that much but there's always time and there's always place to begin.

I've begun another story and I beg you My Rabb.. Let me begin it without any regret, without any bad memories. No more. If you're that happy today, I could be too, even more. Yes, more..
 

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